We are told our 20’s are all about living it up and having fun but in reality they can feel really a bit scary and uncertain. We’re finding out who we are as a real life adult with real life responsibilities. We often go through many break-ups; break-ups with boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, we break from our parents and move away from them into our own lives and in a lot of ways it can feel like we’re breaking up with ourselves, who we used to be and starting out again on our own.
With all that going on sometimes it’s hard to work out how to navigate things safely and effectively. So here has it, the top quarter life crisis markers and how to make the most of them.
Wherever we are in life, whatever we are doing – whether that’s work, university or social groups – they all club together to form part of our perceived identity. When we move on and move away from that it can feel like we’re leaving ourselves behind.
So right now if it feels like you’re going through an identity crisis, it’s probably because you most definitely are.
The old you is a memory, while the new you is yet to be determined. It can be a tough time but there’s real beauty and benefits to an identity crisis that come only in times of transition…. you get a clean slate.
When the familiar is stripped away, you’re forced to search for more. When you can’t fall back on the old way of doing things, you have to find a new, better way. Only you can write your story, so get writing!
FEARING YOU HAVE FAILED
In your twenties, if you’re anything like me, you mess up – big time! You drink to much, say stupid things, push the boundaries, fall out with friends and sometimes you feel like you’re failing at every corner and need to get your shit together!
When this happens be consistent with trying. Be kind to yourself and persist with joyful actions. Do the things you love, say sorry, forgive yourself. Try everything and anything before you get a bit old and have to be sensible.
Since moving into to a flat on my own for the first time I’ve switched pretty indecisively between:
“I LOVE MY LIFE!! I can come home and things are EXACTLY how I left them, I don’t have to do someone else’s washing up, it’s all mine! I can walk around naked and it’s brilliant!! Ahhh this is so flipping goooooooood! I’M THE BOSS!” and…
“Why isn’t there anyone here to watch crap telly and eat sweets with me? Fml are all those wrappers mine? I can’t BELIEVE I have to do the washing up all on my own, it’s so so so unfair – how can there be that much I’m only one person!? *sob* it’s so quiet and boring here. I just want a cuddle with someone else in pyjamas and go through all the detail of what that bitchy girl at work said today. And yes, I have started talking to myself, that’s a problem….”
Whether you’re living on your own or not, it can sometimes feel like you’re doing things on your own. My best tip here is to learn to love this time. That’s easier said then done an it doesn’t mean you can’t have a little cry along the way, but there will be a time when you’re married with screaming kids and you won’t be able to try and million craft projects and fail at them, you won’t be able to have the tele all to yourself and watch crap shows with no judgement, you won’t be able to try that new recipe, have flour covering EVERYTHING and nearly burn the kitchen down. Use this time wisely and try try try new things all the time.
Now I’m all for getting on and doing stuff but sometimes seriously I just CBA. I usually find that this feeling comes when I’m not that interested by something anymore. I think it’s the right time to constantly re-evaluate the choices you’re making. So what you started that blog and now it feels like a chore – drop it! So what if you told everyone you were taking up dress making but did one class and realised you hated it – quit! Take a do-over and another and another and don’t get yourself stuck doing stuff that doesn’t motivate you beyond belief.
Remember, the moment you leave who you were is the moment you begin the epic search to find out who you really are. THAT’s the fun bit.